Sometimes

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother. Why do I put up with the irate customers yelling at me about things that I can't fix? Why do I put up with incompetent coworkers who don't do their jobs? Why do I put up with managers who keep demanding more get done in less time? Why do I put up eith the crap hours and uncertain schedual, and never having a life? Why do I put up with creeper customers, who if we were anywhere else would be screaming in pain on the floor after a knee to the groin? Really WHY?

Then it comes and I remember.....PAYCHECK.

Questions and Querys

Apologies, gentle readers, for my absence from the wondrous inter webs. Friday we will return to our regularly scheduled programing, but for this evening I pose a question. What would you be willing to be fired over? That is to say, what action would you commit even though it might lead to your unemployment, but would be totally content to have committed? I ask this, gentle readers, because I almost came to that point today.

As you may have surmised, I work in retail. I put up with a lot of things from customers and management alike, because that is what you have to do to work in retail. But today I just about reached my limit. Today was the day of the Hipster-bros.  That scary combination of this:

and  this:

Yes gentle readers such a thing does exist and no, it is not cool. Now on to the point of this little exercise. Thanks to those oh so charming gentlemen, I came to the conclusion that I would be totally okay with being fired over breaking their wrist. I freely acknowledge being a young, reasonably attractive, heterosexual female, but that does not mean that I want some random guy grabbing my ass.
I will say, I did not end up having to break his hand, nor was I fired over this, but I did decide it would have been totally worth it. What do you think, gentle readers?

Really People

It is Monday, and that means, crazy things people say. Today we look at the crazy things that kids do and say.


2 boys about 7 or 8 are playing catch through the automatic sliding doors of the store entrance.
Me: Guys that's really not cool, you could seriously hurt yourselves.
Boy 1: You can't stop us. We are customers and the customers are always right.
Boy 2: Yeah.


Little girl comes up to me.
Me: Can I help you find something?
Girl: Can you help me make a bomb? My little brother keeps crying all night, so I want to blow him up.



8yr old boy walks up to me.
Boy: Can you help me find some flowers?
Me: Sure, what color are we looking for?
Boy: Don't know. But they have to be really pretty.
Me: Are they for your mom?
Boy: Yeah. I'm going to give her flowers, so I won't get in trouble when she sees the yard. Just like Dad does.



Don't "kids just say the darnedest things" (Bill Cosby)

Sunday Romance: The Bride

Today we begin our regularly scheduled programing. Book Reviews. As we all know Sunday, for most of us, is a day of lounging around, maybe doing a few chores around the house but mostly lazing. The day of long bubble baths and chocolates and romance novels. And since this is my first review on this blog, I thought it appropriate to review one of the very first romance novels I've ever read, Julie Garwood's The Bride.

Sh%t People Say

In celebrations of the Mondays, I am starting a new weekly thing. Monday will now be Shit I can't believe people actually said Day.

Today's quotes all deal with parents and small children.

Small child is drawing on mirror of the store with their ice cream cone.
Me: That's not going to taste very good. Maybe we should stop.
Mother: What are you doing? How dare you stifle my child's creativity?


Found small child crying looking lost.
Me: Do you need help finding your parents?
Child: Yes
Me: Alright lets go up to the front and page them.
Pages parent, another 5min before they show up.
Parent:So what is the problem? You interrupted my phone call.


Come upon a screaming small child.
Me: Hey whats wrong?
Child: I want my mommy.
Me: Do you know where she is?
Child: Yes, but I'm supposed to stay here.
Me: Where is she? I'll tell her you need her.
Child: She went outside to smoke and told me to stay here.

The Failure of Buisness Majors: Part 2

Having already discussed the way that modern retail is run, let us today begin discussing why it fails. The biggest and most obvious problem with the Walton model is the lack of sales floor coverage. Everyone has had the experience of being in a store and being unable to find what you need. You look around for an associate to ask for help, and there is no one there. Finally, you find a person at a register but they cannot help you because they can't leave the register unattended. You feel frustrated and upset. And rightly so. You are the customer, you are the reason that the store exists, and you are not getting what you need. You either leave the store frustrated or spend extra time out of your schedule trying to find what you are looking for. Either way you are unhappy. This could have been avoided very simply by having one associate at the register and another on the floor assisting customers. But more and more often this is not so. Those who work in retail will know the reason why, but I will explain for those  who don't. According to the Walton view, employees are an expense. To make a profit you must minimize your expense. So the store is allowed a certain number of hours to allot to employees, the number of which are tied to the projected sales of the store. The manager is also expected to adjust the number of hours s/he uses depending on whether  or not the store is meeting those sales predictions.  When a store has a slow Monday or Wednesday, they have to cut hours on Friday and Saturday. The problem with that is more people shop on the weekends. There needs to be more sales associates and most of the time there aren't. Because there are fewer associates on the floor, the work load is also increased.  It becomes a vicious cycle. Low sales means fewer associates, which means customers suffer and sales suffer, which means even fewer associates.
Something needs to be done to break the cycle. Retailers need to remember that their employees aren't an expense but an asset. Just like the military...

The Failure of Buiness Majors: Part 1

Recently I hear of more and more companies following the Sam Walton business model, and it worries me. I wonder if these titans of business ever studied basic Capitalist theory. I wonder what these business majors who run the corporate offices of major retailers learn at business school, because it certainly isn't how to run a store. I wonder when was the last time any of these great corporate people actually worked a sales floor. The answers to all of these questions are simple. 99% of the heads and corporate decision makers for retail companies have never worked in the stores and those that did got out as quickly as possible. They never stop to actually think about the real world applications of their little business models. They never stop to wonder if Sith Lord Walton's business model actually functions for their company (or at all), they just think about having a larger profit share.
I have worked in retail for over ten years now, at all levels and types. I can with great conviction state the Walton business model does not work. It can't. Now before you all complain about me not understanding the business world, I do have a college degree. I am an intelligent individual and have actually been on the front lines  and can say this. For those of you unfamiliar with the Walton business model. it takes the viewpoint that employees are an excessive expense, so of course you want to get away with paying them as little as possible. Hire large numbers of people, then arrange shifts so that they are only 5-5.5 hours long, that way you only have to allow them a 15 minute break that the employee does not clock out for and is still on call to respond. Tie your Store Manager's bonuses and job to both how well the store does financially, and how well they can keep to the projected sales-to-payroll hours matrix. If the store is not making the projected sales figures, (made up by some suit in an office states away from where your store is) cut shifts. And finally, make sure to invert the Ford Principle. Instead of paying your employees enough to afford  your product, make sure that what you pay them ensures that they can only shop with you.
My grandfather used to say "Abraham Lincoln may have freed the slaves, but he forgot the shopkeepers."